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The following programme
contains strong language.

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'Flight 7031 to Belfast is
now boarding at Gate 15.'

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Sorry.'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
aboard this flight to Belfast.

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Take your seats as the seatbelt
sign has now been illuminated.'

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Fucker bag...

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Do you want a hand?
Thank you, sir.

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There you go.

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Thank you. You're welcome.

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I wish we'd've booked
separate flights.

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Well, we didn't know we'd
be breaking up, did we?

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'Cabin crew, seats for takeoff.'

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♪ I was born in Belfast
in the late '80s

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♪ My dad got out of jail,
married my ma, made babies

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♪ We were good eating Ulster
fries and baked taties

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♪ Steak and kidney
pies in glazed gravy

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♪ I was a praised baby But saying
that, I haven't been praised lately

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♪ You know why? Cos...

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♪ I was born in Belfast

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♪ Hear the shotgun shell blast

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♪ And your soul's
going to hell fast... ♪

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- Seamus!
- Seamus! How was your flight?

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Heard about Greenwood's
planned coup?

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Perfect timing
for the interview!

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Can we go somewhere private?

25
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Oh, my god! You're
back from London! Ahhh!

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Come on!

27
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Right! Tell me everything! Go!

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God, Gemma, I can't deal with this - right now.
- What's wrong?

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What's going on?

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Frankie and I broke
up. Oh, I'm sorry.

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Yeah. She's gonna post about
it on her socials today.

32
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I've asked her not to do
it till after the show.

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Oh, good.

34
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Why did you break up?

35
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I think that's a very
personal question.

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Do you have a drink problem?
Why are you asking that?

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Well, his behaviour's
been very erratic lately.

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He's the talent.
What do you expect?

39
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Seamus, I know someone who knows
someone who knows Elton John.

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I could try and see - No, I'm
not, I'm not an alcoholic.

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I've been having an affair.

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Ohh! I think that's preferable
to alcoholism, isn't it?

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That depends. Who did
you have the affair with?

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Was it someone on the staff?
No, no. I would never do that.

45
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Thank God. So, who was it?

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Well, it's a woman
here in Ireland.

47
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Aw lovely. Like Ballykissangel.

48
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What age is she? Well,
she's... she's about my age.

49
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Age-appropriate. Phew. Yeah.

50
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Do you think she'll
go to the press? No.

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How can you be so sure?

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She has her own reasons.

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- What happened?
- What are you two doing? There's customers waiting!

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- Janet has a boyfriend!
- Seriously? And he's famous

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What? And she won't
tell me who it is!

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I've been waiting weeks to know!

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I was dating a celebrity,
yes... It's over now.

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Did you know about this?
Janet was dating a celebrity.

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Oh, my god! I don't
want to talk about it!

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Ach, please! We're all dying
to know. Look, look at Jason.

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He can barely contain himself!

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I'll tell youse and then we'll
never talk about it again!

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Can I get some service here? We'll
be with you in a minute, sir.

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Do you sell them panko breadcrumbs?
Try the World Foods section.

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I looked there and
they're not there.

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Then we obviously
don't have any. Sorry.

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Are youse on strike or what?
Gemma, can you deal with this?

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No! I want to know the
celebrity! Celebrity?

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Is there a celebrity in here?
She was dating a celebrity.

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Does everyone in East
Belfast have to know?

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Just tell us who it was!

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Seamus O'Hannigan.

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Uhhh... Who?

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Seamus O'Hannigan. Who is that?

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Never heard of him.

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I love him! Huh?

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Tim, can I tell you something?

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Confidentially. Sure.

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It's about the woman I was
having the affair with.

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What about the woman you were having                                                     - the affair with? - Fuck!


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It all got a bit complicated.
Because of my past.

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Oh aye, I see. You know
what I mean, Philip?

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I do, aye. Aye. What
was in her past?

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I thought you knew? I
thought everybody knew.

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I was in the LUV.

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- What?
- What? What were you in?

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I thought you knew?
I never knew that!

88
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I thought you were talking
about being a bit of a slapper.

89
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Janet was a...
low-list paramilitary.

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A terrorist? It
was a long time ago

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and her involvement was minimal.

92
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But if it was to come out in the
press, then it could be a problem.

93
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How did you get mixed up with a
bunch of clowns like that, Janet?

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Who were they? Ssh ssh ssh!

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I was young, Philip, I was
stupid. That's no excuse.

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Will someone please tell
me who were the LUV?

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Don't you mean the UVF? No, they were a
splinter group of the UVF.Wasn't that the LVF?

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No, they splintered from
the UVF with the LVF

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and then they splintered
from the LVF to form the LUV.

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The Loyalist Ulster
Volunteers. AKA The Luvvers.

101
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Why were they called The Luvvers?
Every paramilitary group in Ulster

102
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had a nickname. The Official
IRA were the Stickies.

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The UDA were The
Wombles. We were the...

104
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We were The Luvvers.

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It was a long time ago.
She's served her time.

106
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She was in prison for
three years. Three years?

107
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Isn't Irish terrorism
a bit passe these days?

108
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I mean, you know if she was a
member of ISIS, I'd be worried.

109
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So, you were against
the peace process?

110
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As I recall, the LUV thought
the Good Friday Agreement

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was a compromise too far
with Irish Republicanism.

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- Am I right, Janet?
- I didn't think anything! I was just angry!

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Well, look, at least now we'll
be prepared if it does come out.

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Oh, it won't come out.

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But I do think we should...
"Reach out", as they say,

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to HR and Legal.

117
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Especially given Frankie's - announcement.
- Yes. But don't worry.

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It'll all be fine. It will.

119
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Do you wanna take a day off?

120
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No, I don't want
to be on my own.

121
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Look, you can't blame him
for reacting the way he did.

122
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Why are you taking his side?

123
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Oh, come on, I'm not taking
his side, I'm on your side.

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Nobody's ever on my side.

125
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Give him a chance.

126
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He's English He doesn't know
what we went through here.

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He just needs a bit of time.

128
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Time... For what?

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To get over it. To
come back to you.

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I don't want him
back! Are you sure?

131
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Because these past few weeks are
the happiest I've ever seen you.

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Happiness? Who wants
that, huh? Urgh!

133
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Love? Who needs it?

134
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I was just really
angry with him.

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The way he looked at me
like I was a piece of shit.

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But... are you not meant to be - a Christian?
- Yeah.

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So, forgive him.

138
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,759
It's not as simple as that.

139
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Janet.

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You are a fucking nightmare.

141
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You are the worst
employee I've ever had.

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I was on beta blockers for
three months 'cause of you.

143
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And poor Jason's terrified to
speak when he's around you.

144
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But I forgave you.

145
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And I'm not even a
fucking Christian!

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Everyone here forgives you

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and shows you love and patience.

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It's about bloody
time you did the same.

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And plus, your fella's a
fucking ride, so he is.

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Hm...

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♪ Shine a little light

152
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♪ On me

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♪ Lord knows, I need some now

154
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♪ So shine a little
light on me... ♪

155
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I've decided... I
have to forgive you.

156
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Forgive me? Yeah.

157
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You forgive ME? Yes.

158
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OK...

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And then maybe, maybe,
there's still a possibility.

160
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A possibility of what?

161
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This.

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Me and you. Maybe.

163
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That's why you wanted to meet,
to tell me that you forgive me?

164
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No, I don't, I
don't forgive you.

165
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But I will eventually have
to TRY to forgive you.

166
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,319
I don't want your fucking
forgiveness! I've done nothing wrong!

167
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:07,520
You were the terrorist!

168
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:13,719
D'you wanna keep your voice down?
You waited till I'd left my partner.

169
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,919
Yes. And I'm sorry. But don't
call me a terrorist again.

170
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,399
Or what? You'll blow me up?

171
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Hah!

172
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You have no ide... You have
no idea how ashamed I am.

173
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Pff... This country, it
fucking fucks up your head.

174
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And you'll never understand because
you didn't know what it was like here.

175
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I do understand.

176
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Cos my mother - Oh, my god!

177
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Your fucking ma again, Seamus!

178
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,439
I know your mammy was from Ireland
and you think that makes you Irish.

179
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:45,839
It doesn't. You
didn't grow up here,

180
00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:47,559
you don't know what it was like.

181
00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:49,720
And you have no
right to judge me.

182
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I wasn't gonna say
my mother was Irish.

183
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:56,240
I was gonna say my mother...

184
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My mother was driven out
of Belfast by the UVF.

185
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:05,759
Because she was
pregnant with me.

186
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:10,039
Cos her boyfriend, my
father, was Catholic.

187
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:13,359
So they threatened to
kill her if she stayed.

188
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:17,040
So don't tell me that
I-I don't understand.

189
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:21,079
Yeah, because of the Troubles,
because of this sectarian bullshit,

190
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,760
my mother's life was hell.

191
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:28,800
And I never met my father.
I have no idea who I am.

192
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:35,000
People like you, you don't
know the damage that you do.

193
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,879
You're not a victim of
the Troubles, Janet.

194
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,160
You're a criminal.

195
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,400
My father was killed by the IRA.

196
00:11:56,520 --> 00:12:00,480
And it happened in front
of me. In our living room.

197
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:07,240
I was... I was fucking five.

198
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,800
I wish you'd told me before.

199
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,320
Fuck!

200
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,679
The producers have noticed
that I'm not there.

201
00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:23,920
I better get back, otherwise
my career really is over.

202
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:30,800
That's the most important thing
here, isn't it? Your career.

203
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,760
Yeah. Yeah, it is, actually.

204
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:39,759
Wow. You're such a big
man with a big job.

205
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,359
Famous Seamus.

206
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,639
You know the only reason why you do
it is to make yourself feel special.

207
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,279
You're not special. Yeah...

208
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,559
You're nobody, Seamus.
You've nothing.

209
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:51,919
You've no parents.
That's right.

210
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,600
No girlfriend, no God. Yeah.

211
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:59,040
Nothing. Yeah. I'm nothing.

212
00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:06,879
There's fucking nothing inside
me. All I care about is myself!

213
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,959
And that's how I like it!

214
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,440
Now fuck off back to your
supermarket, cos I have a show to do!

215
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,119
Fuck it!

216
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:34,679
♪ Ask yourself if you are happy

217
00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:36,679
♪ Then you cease to be

218
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:41,439
♪ That's a tip from you to me...

219
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:44,999
'Seamus? It's Ndidi.
Where the fuck are you?'

220
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,520
♪ I don't ask myself
for nothing anymore

221
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:59,080
♪ My peace is freedom
for the masses

222
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,039
♪ The masses cannot see

223
00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,680
♪ That's a tip from them to me

224
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,920
♪ And now I know for sure

225
00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:13,880
♪ I don't need nobody's
help now anymore ♪

226
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:27,279
Sorry for leaving. I had to go.
Forget that, there's no time.

227
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:30,479
So, after the paper review, we're
gonna go straight into the segment

228
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,519
about the rail workers'
strike in Tunbridge Wells.

229
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,959
From there... Then straight
into The Chancellor.

230
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,279
And you need to press him
on this leadership rumour.

231
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,199
He's been stabbing the
Prime Minister in the back.

232
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,679
- You nail him on that.
- Frankie hasn't announced the break-up yet?

233
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,479
We've got someone
keeping an eye on that.

234
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:46,799
If it does come out, you might wanna
think about any dirt you have on Frankie.

235
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,959
Dirt? Dirt's too
strong a word,

236
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,680
but anything you can use to deflect
attention from you back onto her.

237
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,399
This isn't why I did journalism.
I wanna speak truth to power,

238
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:58,719
not destroy the lives
of the people I love!

239
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,879
Let's get you into make-up.

240
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:05,399
- Hi, Katie.
- I'm only gonna have time for blemishes.

241
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,040
It's in.

242
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,679
Oh, no! - What?
- What?

243
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,719
Frankie's released
her statement. And?

244
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,679
It's actually quite nice.
Then why say, "Oh, no"?

245
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,279
I saw one negative comment - on Twitter.
- Saying what?

246
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,839
Worry about it later. Which
particular negative comment?

247
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,039
His "performative wokeness"

248
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:23,759
or the one about his
"posturing male feminism"?

249
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,879
Stop reading them out loud!

250
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:29,239
Oh, no. No, no, no,
no! I can't do this!

251
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,479
I need time to think.
I can't go on live TV.

252
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,959
I'm being publicly humiliated!

253
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,520
Let's just take a
breath. Breathe with me.

254
00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:42,759
It's all gonna be fine.

255
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,399
You're in the spotlight,
Greenwood's in the spotlight.

256
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,919
Which means more attention,
more viewers, more engagement.

257
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,039
That's what we want.
isn't it? New pages.

258
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:51,999
Tim!

259
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,599
Oh, sorry! You've
despatched the mistress

260
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,959
and now you just need to
despatch the Chancellor

261
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,999
with the same joie de vivre.

262
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,159
I feel like a fake.
Like I'm not really me.

263
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,239
You ARE you. You're a
world-class broadcaster.

264
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,159
You're Seamus O'Hannigan! I'm
not. It's not even my real name!

265
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,520
Sorry?

266
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:13,639
Ah! Here he is.
Seamus O'Hannigan!

267
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,239
Chancellor.
- Great to see you again. - Likewise.

268
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,640
Sir Rupert, can we go
through the running order?

269
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:42,239
'OK, going in 30 seconds.'

270
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,719
Does he look a
bit sweaty to you?

271
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,640
'Ten seconds.'

272
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,279
'Don't be nervous...'
'Five. Four...'

273
00:17:56,280 --> 00:18:00,439
Nerves are for dickheads.
So, if you're nervous...

274
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:01,720
'One.'

275
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,480
Seamus, you can do this.

276
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,239
Good afternoon! A tough
week for the Prime Minister

277
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:24,959
as he comes under pressure over
the controversial Helsinki Treaty.

278
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,959
We'll be talking live to the
Chancellor of the Exchequer,

279
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:32,319
Sir Rupert Greenwood.

280
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,400
Everything's going to
be absolutely fine.

281
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,199
Is that him? He's actually hot.

282
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,319
I thought he'd be like a wee
short skinny funny-looking nerd.

283
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:47,880
No offence, Jason.

284
00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:52,679
'But is there widespread
support in the community

285
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,639
for this industrial action?'

286
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:58,120
We went to Tunbridge
Wells to find out more.

287
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,519
Thank you.

288
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:08,239
So, er, it seems we're both the subject
of scurrilous internet gossip today.

289
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:13,640
Can I, um, can I tell you
something, in confidence?

290
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:18,239
The rumours are true. I am
planning to oust the PM.

291
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,799
Sir Rupert, I'm not sure you
should be telling me this now.

292
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:27,079
Should I be successful, I want YOU to
come and be my Director of Communications.

293
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:30,119
You know, the sort of
Campbell to my Blair.

294
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:33,239
You know, the Ingham
to my Thatcher.

295
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,799
The Goebbels to my...

296
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,680
Oh, how kind of you. Thank
you very much indeed.

297
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,919
And for the record, your private
life's no concern of mine.

298
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,520
I mean, we've all got
skeletons, haven't we?

299
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:50,039
'And we're on in five,
four. Three, two, one...'

300
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,079
Where is Janet anyway?

301
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:53,919
Maybe she's in the
TV studio with him!

302
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:56,679
Oh aye. She could be.

303
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,639
She'd be in the audience.

304
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:01,800
Or maybe even backstage!

305
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,199
Oh! Hello, Janet1

306
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,599
'..than here in
Northern Ireland!'

307
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,319
'I'm sorry, I'm gonna
stop you there...'

308
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,240
Sorry. This is too exciting.

309
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,519
Let me speak.

310
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,679
I'm not gonna let you
hijack this programme

311
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,799
to suit your own personal ends.

312
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,919
With respect, Chancellor, you've backed
this Prime Minister for five years.

313
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,679
And now you're gonna
stab him in the back

314
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,199
to further your own career?

315
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,959
Why should the British
public trust a liar?

316
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,639
Why should the
public trust a snake?

317
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:29,879
The public...

318
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:33,799
This is the best he's ever
been. Fucking brilliant!

319
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:34,959
Tell us what we all know,

320
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,879
which is that you never
thought he was any good,

321
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,079
you never supported him
and that you want his job!

322
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:42,279
The Prime Minister has my full - support.
- That simply isn't true.

323
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:45,599
I am not interested in
what journalists like you,

324
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,199
stuck in your Westminster
bubble, think.

325
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:52,039
I'm interested in what the average worker
on the shop floor of Belfast thinks.

326
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,239
I'm interested in what
ordinary people —I'm sorry.

327
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,079
Why do you insist on — I
want this government to -

328
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,399
Why do you insist on — I want
this government —All lies.

329
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:03,879
To speak for and represent the
needs and wishes of ordinary people!

330
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,079
Oh, fuck off!

331
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,719
No, no, I'm sorry, I'm not
listening to this bollocks.

332
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:12,559
Ordinary people! You don't give
a fuck about ordinary people!

333
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:16,440
Is this actually happening?
This is better than Bake Off.

334
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,399
I know about
ordinary people, OK?

335
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,919
I... I used to be
an ordinary person.

336
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:23,239
My mum was an ordinary person.

337
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:28,280
But I got... I got fucked up
by all this celebrity bollocks.

338
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:39,479
Well, I AM interested in
what ordinary people think.

339
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,999
Which is why you're leaving me
for a fucking shop assistant.

340
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:43,759
I want this government...

341
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:44,959
Would you let me tell the story?

342
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,639
To represent the views...

343
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,959
She's so fucking
boring! And wishes...

344
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:52,480
Now fuck off back to your
supermarket! of ordinary people!

345
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,120
Hi.

346
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,879
Well, you're right about
one thing, Sir Rupert.

347
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:06,160
You and I do live in a
bubble. Well, fuck the bubble!

348
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:10,079
I'm bursting the fucking bubble.

349
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,519
That's five fucks in
less than one minute.

350
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,600
And two bollocks.

351
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,080
Janet...

352
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,040
If you're watching this, um,

353
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:32,919
I'm sorry for everything I said.

354
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:34,159
Aww!

355
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,160
'I was wrong. Just so wrong.'

356
00:22:38,360 --> 00:22:40,480
I take it all back.

357
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,320
I don't want this life anymore.

358
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:47,160
I want you.

359
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,440
Bloody cable. Er...

360
00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:00,080
♪ THE VELVET UNDERGROUND:
Stephanie Says

361
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,439
I've never had that
happen before! Oh, God.

362
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:10,079
♪ Why she's given half her
life to people she hates now...

363
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,599
So, she mustn't be there?

364
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,639
Well, where is she? She's missing
the biggest moment of her life.

365
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,519
Maybe she came back here!
Well, go and find her!

366
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,759
Hey, guys, there's a
wee bit of a queue...

367
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:22,999
For fuck's sake, not now, Jason!

368
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,279
♪ What country shall I say...

369
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:28,719
Please, Seamus! Think
about what you're doing!

370
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,360
No! Get back on that set!

371
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:33,599
Ndidi, you don't understand.

372
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,679
No, fuck that. You
listen to me for once.

373
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,959
Seamus, for six weeks, I
have put up with your shit

374
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:39,719
and I can't take it anymore.

375
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,119
There is more at stake
here than your love life,

376
00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:45,639
than the whims of your no
doubt microscopic penis!

377
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,919
What about me? What
about the crew?

378
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:51,319
What about all the
people watching at home?

379
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:55,000
Be a fucking professional
and get back on that set now!

380
00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:57,880
Ndidi, I'm sorry.

381
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:03,760
I have to go. ♪ They're
asking is it good or bad

382
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:12,079
♪ It's such an icy feeling

383
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:20,080
♪ It's so cold in Alaska ♪

384
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:33,079
Janet, if you get this message,
can you please ring me back,

385
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,280
just to let us know
you're alright, love, OK?

386
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:38,439
No-one's seen her.
Must have gone home.

387
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,519
You don't think
she's gone to - What?

388
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:44,359
Well, she has a history of -
Don't say it! Don't even think it!

389
00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:46,439
I'll try her again. We
should call the police!

390
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,359
No, I need you to help
me with wee Jason.

391
00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:51,919
We have to go to her house! We
have to go and break down the door!

392
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:55,280
- Oh, Janet!
- Where the hell were you? I was out the back.

393
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,599
Alright. Jason, I'm coming.
Stop being so fucking needy!

394
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:04,199
Janet you will never
guess what just happened!

395
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,759
Please don't point
your banana at me, sir.

396
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:08,519
Jason, don't cry!

397
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,119
And then he just stood up
and left the interview,

398
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:13,560
and me and Philip were
like this... Waaah!

399
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:18,199
Listen, everyone. We have a bit
of a situation. Let me explain.

400
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:23,079
We're at sixes and
sevens today because...

401
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:27,799
a celebrity declared his
love for that woman...

402
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:32,519
live on TV and we've been dealing with
the repercussions of that all day.

403
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:37,439
The celebrity is a politics
guy called Seamus O'Hannigan.

404
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,079
Who's that? Who's he?

405
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,239
Let's just get her and her
fella back together again

406
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:46,599
and then youse can all carry
on with your shopping, alright?

407
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,559
Who says I want to get
back together with him?

408
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,999
You better make
your mind up. Why?

409
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:55,640
Cos he's standing outside.

410
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:22,439
You won't believe what just
happened. I just, um...

411
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,359
I just left a live interview
with the Chancellor.

412
00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:26,879
Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

413
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,319
I thought you didn't watch my
show? I don't. Gemma told me.

414
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,719
Hi. I'm Gemma.

415
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:35,239
I'd never heard of you before this
morning, but already, big fan.

416
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:38,080
OK. Hiya, I'm Philip.

417
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,000
- Come away, Gemma.
- OK.

418
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,799
Look, I'm sorry for what
I said. No. I'm sorry.

419
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:51,519
I-I was talking about myself.
I'm the one who's nothing.

420
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,200
No. No you're not nothing.
You, you're everything.

421
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,520
You're the first person
who's ever been on my side.

422
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:06,280
We can't do this. Why not?

423
00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:09,919
Seamus, I love you. I love
you too! We CAN do this!

424
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:12,239
But I'm a fucking car crash!
I wreck everything I touch!

425
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:16,519
I don't care! Wreck me!
Desecrate me. I don't care.

426
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,999
Sorry. Can I ask you something?

427
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,839
I read online that you interviewed
Matthew McConaughey last year?

428
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:26,320
And I was just wondering, do you
have a number or an email for him

429
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:29,279
that you could pass on
to me? Jesus Christ!

430
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:32,279
Why don't you just let them
kiss, man? Fuckin' hell!

431
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,120
Could you take this?

432
00:27:49,120 --> 00:27:51,919
Alright everybody, let's go back
inside and finish your shopping.

433
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,360
There's a two-for-one
offer on chicken legs!

434
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,360
So, er, what do you wanna do?

435
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:15,559
Janet can you come back
in and finish your shift?

436
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,799
I wouldn't normally insist,
but we're so busy, huh?

437
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,399
Yeah, I'll be in in a minute.

438
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,559
Wait, are you actually
going to go back into work?

439
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:25,119
Yeah, I have to finish my shift.
I just gave up my career for you!

440
00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:26,799
I'll only be an
hour. Wait, so what,

441
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,360
what am I supposed to do
while you're in there?

442
00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:34,359
Why don't you stand at the
window and watch me work

443
00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:36,840
and then thank your lucky
stars you ever met me?

444
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:45,760
Excuse me. Sorry.

445
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:53,840
♪ Midnight Train to Georgia

446
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:11,880
I didn't know you were Scottish.

447
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:14,959
Aye.

448
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:16,800
♪ Said he's going back to find

449
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:21,119
♪ Going back to find

450
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:23,000
What is it?

451
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:26,679
We have to tell them!

452
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,639
Say nothing!

453
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:32,639
♪ Not so long ago

454
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:34,679
Alright?

455
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:37,799
♪ He's leaving ♪

456
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:39,760
♪ On that midnight
train to Georgia

457
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,879
It's actually quite stressful.

458
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:50,279
Do you know what these are for?

459
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:53,519
♪ To a simpler
place and time ♪

460
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:55,919
♪ Oh, yes he is ♪

461
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,079
♪ And I'll be with him ♪

462
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,040
♪ On that midnight
train to Georgia

463
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:06,759
♪ Oh, yeah-eah-eah

464
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:08,400
♪ I'd rather live in his world

465
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,279
♪ Than live without him in mine